I’ve been demoted.
Depending on how you look at it this could be a good or bad thing. To most conventional thinkers, this would be a demotion. From having a set schedule with set hours to clock in and clock out to knowing what days of the week I am coming in and how many days I’ll be off, as well as, knowing exactly what tasks I will be doing on each of those routine days I am in attendance to work. Now I am a “floater.” The title says it all. You are not set to any routine, but to a non-regiment sporadic schedule. Humans love routine. They function well when they know what to expect. They go into a bit of a stress-help mode when there are surprises around the corners. We like safety and I am no exception.
On the flip side I could choose to view this positively, which is my default outlook on 90% of things that occur in my life that seemingly I do not have control over. And because of my natural proclivity to be hyper-optimistic I’ve gotten myself into situations where I am made a fool of. I could view this, hopefully not to my own sacrifice, as a challenge. A struggle that will test my strength, will, creativity, inventiveness, and overall will to survive and thrive. How is this a test you ask? Well, it is a wake up call that no matter how loyal or long you are with a company (5 years and 3 months thus far) you are never safe and you are at the mercy of the company’s orders. Let your guard down for too long, get comfortable too much and BOOM! You will get served the inevitable slap of reality that you are not that important, nor secure, nor seen as anything other than a replaceable fixture of a light bulb. I am ok with knowing I am replaceable. What is not so OK is when you realize you have little control as to when you get to close the door and say goodbye. So how is this positive then. Well, it forces you to either do nothing from shock and fear from doing anything in case you may say or do anything so slight that it gets you knocked off the cog wheel or it forces you to stand on your own feet ( tự lực cánh sinh) , stand up tall and find a way to make it out on your own.
I choose to see this as a challenge. No matter if it is being too naïve or optimistic. What else can I do. Sit there and mourn over the loss of this seemingly permanent fog of safety? No, that doesn’t do me any good or anyone around me that relies on me for strength any good. Like the saying goes, a great sailor was not made by smooth waters. I’ve got to struggle well and pick myself up. I’ve got to find a way to make this trough better. Each try, each move, each thought, each plan, each goal will be a step closer to mastering this “problem.” The problem is how can I create for myself a job that I can be the one who decides if I am a this or if I am a that. A master of my own will. To be a master of one’s own will is harder than to follow in a master’s orders. You don’t have to think. You just obey. A master has to think about what to do, how to do it, and everything else in between. To be a master you have to be disciplined, hardworking, creative, motivated, resilient, knowledgeable, connected to specific people to help you get there, and to keep going and adapting. This all seems very tiring, but if done well it can get you that mindset of peace, empowerment, and confidence to bet on yourself.